- Douglas Adams
- humble thanks
- Ben Affleck
- the director would like to thank: a pimp with passion (as Affleck)
- Nancy Allen
- the producers would like to thank
- Denys Arcand
- humble thanks
- Steve Boeddeker
- the producers would like to thank
- Robert Bolt
- humble thanks
- Gloria S. Borders
- the producers would like to thank (as Gloria Borders)
- Linda A. Borgeson
- the producers would like to thank (as Linda Borgeson)
- George Carlin
- humble thanks
- Miguel de Cervantes y Saavedra
- humble thanks (as Cervantes)
- Gary Dell'Abate
- humble thanks (as Gary)
- Bob Dick
- the producers would like to thank
- Dan Evans Farkas
- the producers would like to thank
- Walter Flanagan
- the director would like to thank: for no end of support and amusement (as Walt)
- Damien Furey
- special thanks
- Ed Gabrielson
- the producers would like to thank
- Neil Gaiman
- humble thanks
- Carla Gardini
- the producers would like to thank
- God
- the director would like to thank: whose idea it was to make both this film and me
- Jonathan Gordon
- the director would like to thank: our honorary Catholic Jew (as Gordon)
- Laura Greenlee
- the director would like to thank: for keeping us on time, on budget, and keeping Mosier happy [professionally and otherwise] (as Laura)
- Monica Hampton
- the director would like to thank: for keeping us on time, on budget, and keeping Mosier happy [professionally and otherwise] (as Monica)
- Clark Henderson
- the producers would like to thank
- Bryan Johnson
- the director would like to thank: for no end of support and amusement (as Bry)
- Jeff Kaplan
- the producers would like to thank
- Nikos Kazantzakis
- humble thanks
- Sam Kinison
- humble thanks
- Spike Lee
- humble thanks
- Ray Leveler
- the producers would like to thank
- Kimberly Loughran
- the director would like to thank: for holding down the fort (as Kim)
- Brian Mackewich
- the producers would like to thank
- John Mardesich
- the producers would like to thank
- Jackie Martling
- humble thanks (as Jackie)
- Roxanne Mayweather
- the producers would like to thank
- Jason Mewes
- the director would like to thank: see? sober living paid off (as Mewes)
- John Miles
- the producers would like to thank
- John Milton
- humble thanks
- Alan Moore
- humble thanks
- Thomas Moore
- humble thanks
- Grant Morrison
- humble thanks
- Scott Mosier
- the director would like to thank: the most spiritual agnostic I know (as Scott)
- Eva Napolean
- the producers would like to thank
- Fred Norris
- humble thanks (as Fred)
- Elaine Pagels
- humble thanks
- Suzana Peric
- the producers would like to thank
- The Pinecones
- the producers would like to thank
- Robin Quivers
- humble thanks (as Robin)
- Carlos Sanchez
- the producers would like to thank
- Jennifer Schwalbach Smith
- the director would like to thank: who gives me strength, love, and major booty (as Jenny)
- Martin Scorsese
- humble thanks
- Eric Shonz
- the producers would like to thank
- Howard Shore
- the director would like to thank: for that sweet Shore score (as Howard)
- Jerry Siegel
- the producers would like to thank
- John Sloss
- the director would like to thank: the long arm of the Law (as Sloss)
- Donald E. Smith
- the director would like to thank: who raised me Catholic, more or less (as Dad)
- Grace Smith
- the director would like to thank: who raised me Catholic, more or less (as Mom)
- Harley Quinn Smith
- the director would like to thank: for giving me the opportunity to raise my own little Catholic (as Harley Quinn)
- Howard Stern
- humble thanks (as Howard)
- Ken Stevenson
- the producers would like to praise: for their support and cooperation in the making of this film (as Pastor Kenneth Stevenson)
- Quentin Tarantino
- humble thanks
- Curtis Tsui
- the producers would like to thank
- Alan Vasquez
- the producers would like to thank
- Matt Wagner
- humble thanks
- Harvey Weinstein
- the director would like to thank: our man on the Inside, who didn't let us dangle (as Harvey)
- Robert D. Yeoman
- the director would like to thank: for raising that visual bar (as Yeoman)
- Paul J. Zydel
- the producers would like to thank (as Paul Zeidel)
