Captain S Melly has been sent to a mixed anti-aircraft battery. His mission? To instil a sense of order in the troops, who are more concerned with capturing the opposite sex than the enemy.
Captain S. Melly takes over as the new Commanding Officer at an experimental mixed sex air defence base. It's 1940 and England is under heavy bombardment, but the crew seem more interested in each other than the enemy planes above. Captain Melly plans to put a stop to all this, and becomes the target of a campaign to abandon his separatist ideals...—Simon N. McIntosh-Smith <[email protected]>
Captain S Melly (Kenneth Connor) is put in charge of an experimental mixed-battery during the darkest days of the Second World War. It's a relief for Captain Bull (David Lodge) to greet his relief but Melly isn't prepared for the ball-squeezing Sergeant Major "Tiger" Bloomer (Windsor Davies) and the randy antics of Bombardier Ready (Jack Douglas), Sergeant Tilly Willing (Judy Geeson) and Sergeant Len Able (Patrick Mower). Sergeant Tilly Willing leads the women contingent of the battery. Willing and Able are a couple.
Forever feigning illness or hiding in their underground "Snoggery" (which is what they call the air raid shelter), the troops are happily getting to grips with each other rather than the enemy. Most prominent of the females is Private Alice Easy (Diane Langton) who tries to charm her new commanding officer but only succeeds in propelling her top button into his system! Private Jennifer Ffoukes-Sharpe (Joan Sims) pines for "Tiger" while everybody - including little Gunner Shorthouse (Melvyn Hayes) - gets a piece of the action.Melly orders a fake air raid to test the squad's readiness & they promptly run into air raid shelters. Its only when Sharpe takes pity on Tiger that she orders the troops to get out of the shelter & stand at parade rest.
Melly orders Tiger to run the brigade into the ground, but the brigade demonstrates its supreme ineptness and demoralizes Tiger instead. The brigade makes Tiger demonstrate every obstacle on the obstacle course, and then sabotages it, so Tiger ends up falling in the mud pits, or on barbed wires and such.Melly then decides to take things into his own hands by ordering a surprise inspection of the barracks. All the ladies are at the men's barracks, kissing and smooching. The men have installed a trip fire with an excreta pit to avoid this exact same thing. Melly goes into the excreta pit, twice & manages to injure his bum, without achieving anything concrete with the inspection.
Then Melly orders a 12-mile hike but has to borrow battle fatigues from the troops as both his uniforms are covered in excreta. The troops apply some abrasive chemicals to the stitches, so that they come part during the hike, leaving Melly in only his undergarments. The entire battalion laughs its head off. Even Tiger cannot suppress his smile at Melly's condition. Melly was rubbing Tiger the wrong way by forcing him on the 12 mile hikes, even though his feet were not in the best condition for hiking.Melly charges the entire Brigade and wants to see them in his office for sentencing. Tiger pushes the entire brigade into Melly's office, which ends up squishing him against the wall by a female soldier. Eventually, Melly has to let them off, as he cant even speak in that condition.
Melly then orders segregation of the men and the women (by installing barbed wire between the men and women barracks), to stop all the Snoggery that the troops engage in. He orders morning Reveille to wake up the brigade at dawn, as the troops to waking up at their own leisure.He then orders that all troops to always wear battle trousers (no skirts) "and that is all". The women are so angry that they troop out to parade in bare breasts and trousers. Melly orders total segregation of men and women. In desperation, they both start tunneling towards each other's barracks (in parallel tunnels). They still don't end up meeting each other.Melly then orders a live anti-aircraft gun to be installed at the battalion as the one they had so far was wooden. The anti-aircraft gun gets stuck in the ground where the tunnel was built. Melly is livid & makes the battalion pull the gun out of the tunnel holes.
Even after a tip-off to the medical officer, Major Butcher (Julian Holloway) segregation and rigorous training, the unit is still a laggard. An inspection by the cowardly Brigadier (Peter Jones) and Major Carstairs (Peter Butterworth) is the perfect opportunity for the troops to get their revenge on Melly & they do everything to that effect. They put a woman's bloomers up the flagpole. Melle is turned upside down during the gun drill. Then they jam the gun on purpose, and when Melle removes the jam, he is covered in soot. He goes to take a bath, but his soap is replaced with a chemical that turns blue when he comes in contact with air. Then his uniform is replaced with a woman's uniform and Melle has to strut around in a skirt.But it is interrupted by an airborne attack and Melly's troop finally prove they are real British bulldogs as they shoot down several enemy airplanes.
