Summaries

Synopsis

This anthology of sex comedy sketches begins with a disembodied voice telling someone a joke with the punchline "what did you expect for five bucks, lobsters?"

The voice continues to tell another jokes which is illustrated through animation of a little boy and a little girl arguing who got the best present recently. Since the girl's presents are better, the boy in frustration says that he has one thing she hasn't - a penis, to which she replies that she has a vagina which will get her anything she wants.

The next sketch is live action and follows a middle-edged out of shape man visiting a weight loss clinic. The man opts for a more expensive yet more speedy treatment which turns out to be a nude girl wearing only a sign over her nether region that says "if you catch me, you can fuck me." This makes the man change his mind and see what the most expensive treatment the clinic offers is, if the mid-priced offer is "this good." However, this top priced treatment turns out to be a huge gorilla (played by a person in a costume, not a real ape) wearing a sign "if I catch you, I fuck you."

A sheltered pretty young woman who has recently gotten married asks her doctor about sex. He explains what the penis is, but when she asks about the two huge round things behind it, the doctor concludes that he's not sure about her husband but on him it's his butt cheeks.

A young hillbilly guy and a pretty hillbilly girl are watching their cattle mate. The guy tries to flirt her by saying how he'd like to do the same thing the bull is doing to the cow at the moment, but the girl shows zero interest and simply tells him that he can do whatever he wants with his cow.

In a bar, a drunk guy tries flirting with the uninterested waitress by asking her if she has ever had a sandwich and a blowjob. She says no, so he invites her to have both for lunch at his place. She kicks him.

Proverb "A fool and her legs are soon parted." pops up on screen.

Two voluptuous nude girlfriends are innocently caressing each other in bed. One asks the other if she knows some way that could help her boyfriend get rid of dandruff. Her friends suggests to her that she gives him Head and Shoulders, referring to the supposedly anti-dandruff shampoo brand, but her friend misunderstands and asks her how one gives shoulders.

Two friends, one nerdy and one suave, prepare for the nerdy guy's date with the town's hot promiscuous girl. Later, the nerdy guy brings the girl home and she allows him to strip her naked and make love to her. However, since he doesn't quite know what he is doing, he panics and says that he loves her just like his friend told him to do. The girl tries to help him with the intercourse, so she tells him to go deeper. However, he misunderstands and simply repeats the I love you line in deeper voice.

On lovers' lane, a naked young couple is having loud sex in the guy's car that has its top down. A police officer interrupts them asking what they are doing. The guy says that he's only necking the girl. The cop replies that the guy should immediately put his "neck" back in his pants and drive away with her.

In another animated segment, a naked couple is having doggy style sex in a park. An anthropomorphic gentlemanly dog passing by sees them and tries to shoo them away in disgust, but they simply ignore him and continue with sex. However, the dog does manage to get rid off them by hosing them down with a powerful water hose.

The next segment is live action again and follows a vulnerable woman who asks her cop neighbor to visit her at home and hear about her troubles. He does so, and she explains how she met a hot sailor who took her on lovers' lane. The cop tries to use her vulnerable state and seduce her, so he puts his arm around her and asks if that's what the sailor did. She confirms this and adds that the sailor did even worse things to her. The segment is called "The Edge of Nausea" and it continues later on.

In the next segment, a handsome driver who ran out of gas visits a nearby hillbilly house and asks the hunky husband and his pretty wife who live alone there if they would sell him some fuel. The husband says that they don't have any but he could take the man to town on his horse the next day. Of course, that would mean that the man would have to spend the night in their house, the prospect of which makes the wife real happy. They end up sleeping in the same bed together with the husband sleeping between his wife and the guest. In the middle of the night, the wife, who turns out to be sleeping in the nude, wakes up the guest and asks him to have sex with her, since there's nothing that could wake her husband up once he falls asleep. The skeptical guest, who also happens to be sleeping in the nude, decides to test this by pulling out one of the husband's butt hairs. Since that indeed does not wake the man up, the guest gives in, jumps over the husband and has sex with his wife right next to him. However, the horny wife isn't satisfied with a single tryst, so she convinces the guest to pull more hairs out and, since the husband never wakes up, have sex with her several more times. However, the husband eventually does wake up, and although it turns out that he is just fine with the guest having sex with his wife all night, he still asks the guest to at least stop using his butt "as a score board."

In grade school, a female teacher asks her layabout pupil, Jimmy, why there is a cock on the top of the weather vane, to which Jimmy in all seriousness replies that this is so because the wind would go right through the pussy.

A southern preacher organizes a revival event where he heals people through faith. Everything goes well until a very old man who has recently married a seventeen-year-old girl asks the preacher to heal his impotence. However the preacher replies that he can heal the sick but he can not raise the dead.

In the same bar from before, the bartender says to a drunk guy that an egg on his bear would put a "lead in his pencil," to which the drunkard replies that it's of no use to him, since he has no one "to write to," and they both have a good laugh.

A wealthy man takes his adult son, who was raised alone on his sheep farm in Australia, to a brothel and asks the madame for help, since the boy has never been with a woman before. One of her girls takes the boy to one of the rooms and asks him to undress and wait for her. He does so. When she returns nude, she sees that the guy has also moved all of the furniture to one side of the room. When she asks him why he did that, he replies that if having sex with a woman is anything like having sex with kangaroos, than they will need plenty of space, and then jumps on the shocked girl just like a kangaroo.

On lovers' lane, a naked young couple is having sex in the guy's car that has its top down. The girl starts complaining that the guy's "thing" is too big, and that she can't do it. A loud "thump" noise is heard, after which the guy says that just because "it's" too big doesn't mean that she has to drop it on the floor.

The segment called "The Edge of Nausea" continues with the cop kissing the woman and exposing her breast, which makes her horny. She repeats that the sailor did all that her as well - and worse.

An attractive woman visits her doctor and asks him to check if everything is alright with her bottom since she's been having some problems lately. She takes her clothes off and bends over so the doctor can take a look. When he spreads her butt cheeks, a tiny voice starts singing. Disturbed by this bizarre event, the doctor immediately bring in a nurse and a specialist to confirm that this is really happening. The nurse is quite entertained by it, but the specialist is not and he angrily tells the doctor that he can't believe they got him away from a patient "just to see some asshole sing."

At night, a naked young couple is having sex for the first time in a bedroom, but the girl, who is a virgin and doesn't seem to care much about the fact that the guy is trying to have sex with her, keeps looking through the window. Finally, the guy becomes annoyed, stops kissing her, and asks what's going on, to which she replies that her mother had told her that this would be the most beautiful night of her life, so she doesn't want to miss it.

On lovers' lane, an adult couple has just finished having sex in the man's car that has its top down, and are now just sitting their cuddling and watching the skies. The hunky bare-chested guy lovingly says that he would have taken his time if he had known that the woman was still a virgin, but the woman replies that if she had known that he was not in a hurry, she would have taken off her pantyhose before sex, which absolutely confuses the man.

An attractive saleswoman asks two horny hillbilly brothers if she can use their phone since her car has died. The brothers can't help her, but they do offer that she stays with them until morning, implying that they expect for her to have sex with them if she agrees. She agrees, so the brothers celebrate. In the evening, she goes to bed nude and invites the brothers to join her. They immediately jump naked into the bed, but she stops them and demands that they pun on condoms first if they want to have sex with her, since she doesn't want to get pregnant. The boys don't understand how condoms work or what they are for, but nonetheless, they agree. She puts it on for them and they have sex. Two months later, one of the brother asks the other if he thinks that it would be alright for them to finally take off the condoms, since the lady never told them how long they are suppose to wear them.

In another animated sketch, two anthropomorphic chimps are sitting on top of a palm tree, and one of them is bragging to the other how he can have sex with any animal in the jungle. The other chimp dares him to have sex with an elephant, so the horny chimps takes the dare, jumps an elephant and proceeds to have sex from behind with it. However, the huge elephant doesn't seem to register that the tiny chimp is doing anything to it. When a coconut falls on the elephant, it releases a painful sound which makes the chimp stop and lovingly asks if he has hurt the poor elephant.

In the next live action sketch, two elderly men are sitting on a bench next to a pretty young woman. She notices that one of them is checking out her gorgeous legs, so she gets up and flirtatiously leaves. The man who was checking her out then says to his absentminded friend that he thinks that the saltpeter (a compound used for fertilization) that they were given in the army is finally kicking in.

In a bedroom, two nude girlfriends are sitting on a bed chatting. Their third friend walks in and takes off her clothes as well. The girls notice that she has an imprint of letter M on her stomach. When they ask her about it, she explains that she just made love to her boyfriend who plays college football. When the girls ask in which team whose letter begins with M he's playing, the girl says that he plays for Wisconsin, implying that they were in the 69 sex position.

A guy in the zoo innocently teases a gorilla (once again played by a person in a costume, not a real animal). When he accidentally shows him a sign that "in gorilla" supposedly means F.U., the gorilla breaks out of his cage and beats the guy into a pulp. A couple of days later, the guy comes up with a plan on how to get his revenge on the gorilla. He brings a salami and two cleavers, gives one to the ape and keeps the other, places the salami in front of his dick and chops it in half, expecting the ape will do the same with his actual dick. However, the gorilla figures out what he's doing, drops the cleaver and just shows the guy the same gorilla sign for "fuck you."

The segment "The Edge of Nausea" continues with the cop continuing to kiss and undress the woman, while she keeps repeating that the sailor too did all that and worse.

A jogger sees a man crying in the park and asks him what's wrong. The man claims to be a famous architect, and yet now that he had "suck one cock," he will only be known for that, and not for all the magnificent things he built.

A farmer sends his thick son to watch if the bull is mating with the cows, while he has a chat with a nice church lady and her husband who came for a visit. The boy returns to inform him that the bull has "fucked" the brown cow, which shocks the woman. The father asks his son to use a euphemism when he sees that the bull is having sex with the white cow. The son soon returns but says fuck again because the bull ignored the white cow and went back to have sex with the brown cow.

Back in the same bar as before, two drunkards run out of money, so they go to the place of one of them to take some money from his wife's purse. When they get there, his wife is having hot sex with some guy. The drunkard ignores them, takes the money from her purse and announces that he can now buy a pint for both himself and his drunk friend. The bewildered friend asks "what about the guy that's having sex with your wife" and the drunkard angrily answers "fuck him, let him buy his own pint."

In "A Bisexual Minute," a title that parodies the American Bicentennial specials, a guy pretending to be real life sports newscaster Howard Cosell tells a story about the sex life of the American Founding Father and inventor Benjamin Franklin. He explains how Franklin, at the age of 65, learned about the 69 sex position from a French high society lady, and how he indulged in this sex act so much that he eventually sprained his tongue and had to come up with a tongue brace known as the Franklin Flap to solve this problem. One of his quotations from Poor Richard's Almanac speaks of this: "The French, they are a peculiar race. They fight with their feet, they fuck with their face."

In another animated segment, a young horny bull and an older more mature bull stand on top of a hill watching the cows bellow. The young bull eagerly suggests that they run down and screw one of them, but the bull suggests that they stroll down and screw all of them.

In the next live action segment set once again on lovers' lane, a horny bare chested guy loses his patience with his buxom topless girl who keeps slowing him down, so he threatens to tear off her pantyhose and fuck her so hard she won't be able to walk. She replies with disgust "no, you won't" to both of his threats, but when he says that he won't even use a rubber, she gets angry and says "oh, yes you will."

A man whose car broke down is welcomed to her parent's home by a hot young girl to stay over night. She lets him sleep in her folks bed, but when he suggests that she keeps him company, she ignores him and leaves. Later on, she returns wearing a skimpy nightgown and informs the man that his company is here. He gets giddy, but she then brings in another guy whose car broke down and who asked if he could stay overnight and leaves.

The father of the kid call Jimmy from an earlier segment asks Jimmy's female teacher, Miss Primrose, to help him find a way to deal with Jimmy's gambling problem. The teacher comes up with an idea to get Jimmy to make a wild bet he can't possibly win. When Jimmy tells her that he knows that her hair downstairs is not of the same color as her hair upstairs, she decides to use this chance and make a bet with him that will ruin him. She then shows him her vagina (it's not shown) to prove that he is wrong. Jimmy admits defeat and pays up fifty bucks of his hard earned gambling money. The teacher calls Jimmy's father to inform him of her success, but he explains that Jimmy made a 100$ bet with him earlier that day that he will see her "pussy" by the end of it.

The segment "The Edge of Nausea" continues with the cop continuing to kiss and undress the woman, while she keeps repeating that the sailor too did all that and worse.

On a ranch in the middle of nowhere, a group of cowboy is sitting by the fire. When the youngest of them asks about women, they tell him that there ain't none, but that he can always go have sex with one of the sheep on the ranch instead. He does so, and the others watch. Once he's done, he returns only to face ridicule. When he asks what's so funny, they explain that out of all the sheep, he picked the ugliest one to have sex with.

Two businessmen are trying to buy an airplane ticket to Pittsburgh from a friendly buxom ticket agent. Unfortunately, they get lost in her voluptuous cleavage, and ask for tickets to "titsburgh" every time. When a friendly priest arrives, they ask him for help, so he manages to successfully purchase the tickets for them. However, when the woman gives him his change, he decides to ask for two nickles instead, but says "two nipples" by mistake.

On lovers' lane, a couple has just finished having sex. The guy asks the woman why she agreed to have sex with him now after he drove her 20 miles away from town, but refused to do so and walked back home when he drove her across a lesser distance on their previous dates. She facetiously replies that she was willing to walk home for 10 miles to save him from getting the clap from her, but not 20.

Back in the same bar as before, a married drunkard fails to seduce the waitress, who reminds him that he is married. He ten complains to the bartender that his wife's "pussy" was so pretty 30 years ago, he wanted to eat it, but that now after 30 years it looks like it wants to eat him.

A young hillbilly is getting marries, so his father sends him to have sex with a hole in a tree to get the idea of how it is to have sex with a woman. On his wedding night, he crawls into his nude bride's bed and stays under the sheets for a while, which confuses her. When she asks him what's wrong, he answers that he's just making sure that this hole doesn't have a hornet's nest in it.

The segment "The Edge of Nausea" finally wraps up when the cop starts having sex with the woman only for her to repeat that the sailor did even worse things to her. Confused, the cop asks what's worse than sex and she answers in desperation that it's the case of the crabs that the sailor gave her.

A guy bores everyone at a party with his non-existent joke-telling skills. This turns out to be an ad for the self-proclaimed funniest man in the world, comedian Buddy Key from the Garbagemouth School of Comedy. However, he keeps flubbing his lines, but eventually manages to finish the ad. Now, the guy from before, all dressed up as Buddy, has become great at telling jokes, and the joke he kills with at the party is about a monkey walking into a bar and ordering a fuzzy drink only for one of the drunkards there to ask him why his pecker is hanging out.

King Arthur has to go on a journey, but he keeps worrying about the topless Lady Guinevere's chastity. Merlin solves the problem by creating a chastity belt that immediately castrates anyone who tries to stick his dick into it. A year later, Arthur returns and orders his Knights of the Round Table to undress. It turns out they have all been castrated by the belt except for Lancelot. Arthur rejoices and asks his friend to wish anything he wants and he will receive it. Unfortunately, he then realizes that the reason why Lancelot member is still there is because he stuck his tongue into the belt and now he is tongueless and can't speak.

In another animated segment, a man gives his faithful dog Arnold a dime each day to buy him the newspapers. However, one day the man gives him a bill instead since he can't find a coin. Arnold doesn't return, so his master goes out to look for him, only to find him in a back ally having sex with a classy French poodle. When the owner says in shock that Arnold never did anything like this before, the Arnold replies that he simply never had the money for it before.

In colonial North Africa, a British commanding officer is told that the soldiers use camels to find relief when they get horny. He finds the idea ridiculous, but after six weeks, he becomes so horny that he literally jumps the camel why a guard is watching in shock. When the officer is finished, the guard comments that the camel seems to have enjoyed it. The officer than rhetorically asks if that is the sort of thing that the soldiers there do to relieve their sexual desire, but the guard explains that while the soldiers do indeed ride the camels regularly, they don't actually have sex with them, just literally ride them to get to the town's brothel.

An old man asks his doctor if he is physically fit to marry a girl four time younger than him. The doctor asks to see his sexual organ, so the patient sticks his tongue out.

A rabbi visits his Catholic priest friend in his confessional. The priest hears confessions from two women who had sex three times with their boyfriends and gives them the same penance. But then he gets a phone call and asks the rabbi to take over for him just for a while. A woman arrives and confesses that he had sex with her boyfriend once. This confuses the rabbi, so he suggests that she has sex with her boyfriend two more times, since he thinks the church is giving three-for-one deal on penance for sex that week.

In a bar, a short creepy guy is trolling everybody including the bartender, but just as the bartender is about to put his lights out, a handsome guy the creeper is with stops him, apologizes for him and orders drinks for everyone in the bar. When the bartender asks him why he's standing up for the creep, the gut explains that he found a magic lamp with a genies inside who granted him three wishes: to be the most handsome man in the world, to be the richest man in the world - and to have "the biggest prick" in the world, a phrase that the genie took literally.

In the final sketch, a guy goes to a brothel but asks the madame to find him something which has never experienced before. The madame suggests that he has sex with their chicken. At first, he is shocked by the idea, but she manages to convince him that it's great and he indeed has sex with the chicken, and really does enjoy it. The next day, he returns but the chicken is gone. Instead, the madame asks him to pay 100 bucks and she will show him something even better than the chicken. He agrees, and she takes him to a voyeur's room where he gets to watch thanks to a two-way mirror a naked couple covering themselves with whipped cream and cuddling in the next room. The guy finds it truly exciting, but then an old guy who was there before him says that this is great but the day before he get to watch a crazy guy fuck a chicken, which was even better. The man realizes he is talking about him and embarrassingly leaves. The movie ends with a freeze frame of the old guy with his mouth wide open.