When a childless couple--an ex-con and an ex-cop--decide to help themselves to one of another family's quintuplets, their lives become more complicated than they anticipated.
Recidivist hold-up man H.I. McDonnough and policewoman Edwina marry, and then discover that they are unable to conceive a child. Desperate for a baby, the pair decide to kidnap one of the quintuplets of furniture tycoon Nathan Arizona. The McDunnoughs try to keep their crime secret, while friends, co-workers, and a feral bounty hunter look to use Nathan Jr. for their own purposes.—Scott Renshaw <[email protected]>
It's the story of "Ed" (short for Edwina), a policewoman who falls in love with "Hi" (short for H.I. McDunnough), while she's taking his mug shots. She's infertile and he's a habitual robber of convenience stores, and their folksy marital bliss depends on settling down with a rug rat. Unable to conceive, they kidnap one of the newsworthy quintuplets born to an unpainted-furniture huckster named Nathan Arizona. A Harley-riding bounty hunter gets on their trail and family life turns as dangerous as their former lives.—Anthony Pereyra {[email protected]}
Colorful, unconventional slapstick comedy. Ex-con Hi and ex-cop Ed meet, marry and long for a child in the wilds of Arizona. When Ed discovers she's barren, the God-given solution is presented: to snatch a baby from a set of quints. Thus begins a series of kidnappings, capers, and rum goings-on that revolve around the helpless yet universally-loveable child. Hi's convict friends, his boss, and even the Lone Biker Of The Apocalypse become involved in the ever-twisting plot in the quest to claim the baby.—<[email protected]>
In the Arizona suburbs, Herbert 'H.I.' McDunnough (Nicolas Cage) is a petty criminal with a proclivity for robbing convenience stores. He is constantly in and out of jail but is repeatedly paroled because he never uses live ammunition during his stickups. Each time he returns to prison, he is booked by young policewoman Edwina, nicknamed 'Ed' (Holly Hunter). H.I. flirts with her as she takes his mugshots, and an unlikely romance blossoms after Ed is abandoned by her cheating fiancé. Despite his apparent addiction to breaking the law, H.I. possesses a passionate loyalty to those he cares for, and he proposes to Ed after his latest release from jail. They marry and begin a new life in a trailer in the Arizona desert.
H.I. gets a legitimate job working as welder and machinist in a factory while Ed continues her police work until they decide they want to start a family. However, Ed learns that she is infertile, and their attempts to adopt are foiled by H.I.'s criminal history. Ed is so devastated that she resigns from the police force, and H.I. feels increasingly helpless until the news of the 'Arizona Quints' is broadcast on television. Local furniture magnate Nathan Arizona (Trey Wilson) and his wife Florence (Lynne Kitei) have welcomed quintuplet sons. Ed and H.I., desperate for a child, eventually come to the conclusion that the Arizona's have "more than they can handle," and resolve to steal one of the quintuplets to raise as their own.
H.I. and Ed arrive at the Arizona home one evening, with Nathan and Florence Arizona none the wiser. The five babies, Harry, Barry, Larry, Garry and Nathan Jr., are unattended in their nursery, and H.I. scales the house with a ladder and manages to abscond with Nathan Jr. (T.J. Kuhn). The McDunnoughs drive home with the baby, feeling somewhat guilty about their crime, but overjoyed to have a family at last. That night, H.I. has a nightmare about a monstrous-looking man astride a motorcycle, covered with guns and grenades, roaring through the desert. H.I. feels that the biker represents the evil that will be unleashed as soon as the Arizonas find their son missing in the morning.
The abduction of Nathan Arizona Jr. quickly becomes a local news item, and his father makes a public offer of $10,000 for his safe return, while also enlisting the local police to investigate the boy's disappearance. Florence Arizona and the remaining quintuplets temporarily relocate until the media frenzy dies down. Meanwhile, H.I.'s prison buddies, the Snoats brothers, Gale (John Goodman) and Evelle (William Forsythe), tunnel out of prison and steal a car before arriving at H.I.'s trailer in the dead of night, seeking refuge. H.I. is excited to be reunited with his old friends, but Ed sees them as a bad influence and refuses to allow them to stay more than a day or two.
H.I. and Ed attempt to ease into 'normal' married life and invite H.I.'s supervisor, Glen (Sam McMurray), and his family over for lunch (after the Snoats brothers agree to stay away from the trailer for the afternoon). The visit becomes more than H.I. can bear; Glen is an insufferable buffoon with a penchant for tasteless jokes, his children are rude and destructive, and his wife, Dot (Frances McDormand), tirelessly nags Ed and H.I. about childcare responsibilities. As Glen and H.I. take a walk in the surrounding desert, Glen reveals to H.I. that he and Dot are swingers and suggests a wife swap. Infuriated and stressed, H.I. punches Glen in the face. Glen takes off running, and is further injured when he collides with a cactus.
Ed is upset with H.I.'s behavior, worrying that he will lose his job after breaking his supervisor's nose. H.I. does not mention's Glen's indecent proposition to her, but quietly reaches his breaking point when he drives them to a convenience store under the pretense of buying diapers for Nathan Jr. As Ed and the baby wait in the car, H.I. attempts another robbery, his first since his marriage. Seeing her husband pointing a gun (albeit unloaded) at the young store clerk while attempting to leave with the contents of the cash register and a pack of Huggies, Ed drives off in anger. The clerk triggers a silent alarm, summoning the police almost at once, and H.I. takes off on foot through the neighborhood, prompting an elaborate chase. Ed, though furious with H.I., picks him up before he can be arrested. They return home with the stolen Huggies, and Ed, believing Gale and Evelle to have influenced H.I. to return to petty crime, orders them to leave the next morning.
After Ed and Nathan Jr. are asleep, H.I. admits to the Snoats brothers that he has likely lost his job. Gale and Evelle reveal their plan to rob a nearby bank in a few day's time, when it will be rife with recently-deposited farm subsidy checks, and suggest that H.I. help them in exchange for a cut. H.I. initially refuses, but Gale convinces him that he cannot make Ed happy or provide for his family without the money that this robbery could provide. Feeling depressed and unworthy of Ed, H.I. agrees, believing she and the baby would be better off without him in their lives.
The following morning, while Ed is running errands, Glen arrives at the trailer, wearing a neck brace and looking vengeful. H.I. leaves the baby in the care of Gale and Evelle, advising them to stay out of sight, before venturing outside to face Glen. As expected, Glen fires H.I., but also reveals that he has been following the case of the missing Arizona baby, and that he suspects H.I. and Ed of kidnapping him. H.I. does not deny it, but begs Glen to keep it quiet. Glen agrees, on the condition that H.I. and Ed give the child to him and Dot, as they had been wanting another baby. Glen departs, but Gale and Evelle have overheard the conversation and immediately subdue and bind H.I., intending to return Nathan Jr. for the reward money. The Snoats brothers depart with the baby, leaving H.I. tied to a chair inside the trailer.
Ed returns to the trailer, where she and H.I. immediately arm themselves and prepare to pursue Gale and Evelle to retrieve Nathan Jr. As they drive, Ed admits she was foolish and selfish to insist that they take the baby in the first place, and that although she still loves H.I., she doubts that they are good for each other. Though troubled about the state of their relationship, the McDonnaughs remain focused for the moment on the safety of Nathan Jr., whom they have come to love as their own.
Meanwhile, Nathan Arizona is increasingly frustrated with the local authorities, who have made no headway in finding his missing son. He is approached in his office by an intimidating man (Randall 'Tex' Cobb) who is identical to the biker in H.I.'s nightmare. Introducing himself as Leonard Smalls, the biker explains that he is a highly experienced bounty hunter, and that he will find and return Nathan Jr. for the price of $50,000. Nathan Sr. refuses, assuming that Smalls had kidnapped the boy himself and is holding him for ransom. Smalls assures him that he will find Nathan Jr. regardless, but will sell him on the black market if his father refuses to pay. Nathan Sr. attempts to call the police, but Smalls disappears without another word.
Leonard Smalls follows up on a lead of a recent prison break and tracks the Snoats brothers to Ed and H.I.'s empty trailer. There, he finds clues of Nathan Jr.s presence and follows the trail into town where Gale and Evelle, after having robbed a roadside store (where they briefly left Nathan Jr. behind and made a hasty return to retrieve him), are preparing to embark on their anticipated bank heist. Unwilling to leave Nathan Jr., whom they have grown fond of, in their car unattended, they carry him into the bank while they threaten the customers with shotguns. They leave with a sack of cash, unaware that a teller had surreptitiously hidden an exploding dye pack within it. As they depart, they realize with horror that they had forgotten the baby again. As they make a panicked u-turn, the dye pack explodes, forcing them to stop the car. H.I. and Ed catch up with them, hauling them out of the vehicle and demanding to know the whereabouts of Nathan Jr.. Gale and Evelle explain that they left him at the bank, and H.I. and Ed race off in the dye-splattered car, leaving the Snoats brothers on the side of the road.
As Ed and H.I. approach the bank, the bounty hunter Smalls appears on his motorcycle. Nathan Jr., who is sitting calmly on the road in his car seat, is snatched up by Smalls before the McDonnaughs can reach him, but during the ensuing scuffle, Ed manages to take the baby and hide within the bank. H.I. distracts Smalls, enduring a horrendous beating in the process, but discreetly removes a pin from one of the many grenades strapped to Smalls' vest. Smalls, unaware of this, continues to brutalize H.I. by throwing him to the edge of the road, but is promptly killed in the ensuing explosion.
Relieved at having Nathan Jr. back safe, H.I. and Ed decide the time has come to return him to his true family. They attempt to do so quietly, using a ladder to enter the same nursery window from which H.I. kidnapped him, but are discovered in the act by Nathan Sr.. Overjoyed at his son's return, and finding no harm done to him, he offers Ed and H.I. the posted reward, but they refuse it. As Nathan Sr. watches them admire the baby, he deduces that they are his kidnappers as well as his rescuers. However, he is sympathetic to their wishes to have a child of their own, and encourages them not to give up on their marriage or their dream of having a family. Asserting that there is no need to call the police, Nathan Sr. allows the McDonnaughs to leave.
That night, H.I. has a dream which seems to give glimpses of both the near and distant future: Gale and Evelle, realizing that they are not yet ready to enter society again, return to prison via the same tunnel they escaped from. Glen has no luck trying to convince people that H.I. and Ed had kidnapped the Arizona baby, and gets into trouble after telling an offensive joke to a police officer. Nathan Jr. progresses through childhood, receiving a football as a Christmas gift from a kindly anonymous couple, and later becoming a high school football star. An elderly husband and wife, living in a trailer much like the McDonnaughs', welcome their many children and grandchildren for a holiday dinner. H.I. tentatively hopes that such a future may become a reality for himself and for Ed.