Show Open: Regis Runner #1 - Executive producer Andy Kessler (
Pat Kilbane), sycophantic and creepily monotonic, greets
Regis Philbin in the dressing room, whose door plays the
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (1999) theme every time it's opened.
Reality Check III - not included in the half-hour version of this episode
Regis Runner #2 - Writer Dixon (
Will Sasso) gets upset that Regis rejects all his sketch ideas as they are all take-offs of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire".
Reading Caboose II (
David James Elliott) - not included in the half-hour version of this episode
Regis Runner #3 - Regis complains to producer Andy about writer Dixon not honoring his request to avoid "Millionaire" sketches, to which Andy unemotionally replies, "You don't know how angry I am right now."
Who Wants to be the President? - Regis ends up anyway in a sketch where he plays the host of a game show called "Who Wants to be the President?", where the incompetent contestants are Al Gore (
Pat Kilbane), Alan Keyes (
Aries Spears) and Jesse Ventura (
Will Sasso)
Regis Runner #4 - Not knowing that Regis already did one, producer Andy gets back to Regis to let him know that he won't be made to do a "Millionaire" sketch.
Stuart at the Pet Shop - Stuart (
Michael McDonald) goes to the pet store, where he freaks out over a bird, eats dog food, and drives away a customer who was going to buy a feeder rat for his boa constrictor.
Mannequin Manslaughter - not included in the half-hour version of this episode
Q-Tip Performance - not included in the half-hour version of this episode
The Kiss - not included in the half-hour version of this episode
